Dear Dina,



The Jewish religion forbids sexual relations between men and women unless they are married “according to the laws of Moses and Israel.”

Since Chazal thought that man’s urges in general and the sexual urge in particular are quite great and uncontrollable or, as the Sages put it, “there is no guardian against unchastity” (Ketubot 13b). Therefore they expanded the prohibition to include all forms of physical contact between a man and a woman and even speech and perusal. Moreover, Chazal forbade (three people) expositing and discussing legal aspects of sexuality, even if no woman is in the study hall, because people always lust after sex, whether the object of passion is visible or not, and his desires might lead him to permit what is forbidden (Chagigah 13b).



They did not rely upon a person’s judgment and created fences so he would not violate the main prohibition. Even if he means to shake a hand solely for courtesy’s sake, according to Chazal one cannot rely on him, for a man’s sexual urges always lead him on.

To explain the seriousness of the prohibition against a grown man and a grown woman having sexual relations, even if out of choice and desire, we will cite an incident recounted in the Talmud: One man desired a single girl to the extent that the doctors ruled that if he did not have sex with her he would die. The Sages ruled that he was forbidden to talk to her, even behind a screen, with the excuse that Jewish girls should not be considered wanton (Sanhedrin 85a).



Sincerely,



Daat Emet